I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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