How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
