Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
