We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize