fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
