Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
