Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
