I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
