people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
