did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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