I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
