I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
