The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
