i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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