if i can run in heels then i can drive
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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