True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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