And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
