did you get engaged???
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
