I cannot find my penis.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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