shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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