it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
