I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize