I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
