drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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