My friends, they love my intelligence
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
