remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Randomize
