If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
nutella sex= disaster
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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