Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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