Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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