So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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