Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
where am i from again
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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