So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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