Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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