Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
