I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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