Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
