Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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