I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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