You don't have asthma, your pregnant
from now on my penis is your penis
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize