I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
