My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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