I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize