dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
