I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
