Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
