when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
