so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
