Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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