Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
