We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
