she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
