You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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