I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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