i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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