11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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