Banned from zoo.
Again?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
