Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
