she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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