Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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