were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
