I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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