i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
