did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
