There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
we made out on top of his cat.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
