i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
