i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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