You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
