Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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