Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
