so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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