he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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