this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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