Dual....:-)
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
