We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
