mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
