OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she told me i tasted like america
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
