I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
