do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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