Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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