matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize