You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
