someone threw a dead crab at me
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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