Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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