6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
