Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
