2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize