Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
