dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize