Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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