hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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