Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize