I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
