my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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