I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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