can we get nightvision for the apartment?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
