so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
