My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
