Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He felt like a one man threesome
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
