I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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