you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
