If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
