I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize