I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
