a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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