woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
