Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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