The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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