I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
