I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
