oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
